Greetings from Lyon

Have now been in Lyon for two weeks and have settled into beautiful city very well.  Within days of arriving, it was arranged for me to teach basic aspects of creative writing:  devising plots and characterisation.  Now in pleasant routine.  In morning have lie in as am still recovering from trauma of recent months.  After breakfast, if it's a teaching afternoon, spend an hour or so planning class.  In afternoon teach for two hours then go for walk or run around zoo campus.  In evening chat with other residents, sometimes watch a DVD.

As free animal who knows how to conduct himself around city, have also been invited to participate in scheme of allowing animals to visit Lyon.  In particular, been tasked to devise schedule of walks around area near the zoo, starting with fifteen minute ones, gradually increasing to an hour.  Been given detailed map of city, in order to be able to plan safe routes.  This includes hazards from traffic, unruly citizens and access to infected food.  No mean challenge.  Flattered to be considered competent for such a plan.

Purrs Bakhtin

Rest and recuperation

Went to Fritzonian Institute today.  Debated for ages if good idea to do so, given pending trial for libel.  However, heard through grapevine that lecturer involved is in overnight stay at dental hospital therefore felt it was safe.  Much in need of contact with department.  Despite ongoing stress about appearing in court, trying to complete Major Project for Masters in Creative Writing and finding it difficult to do this with no communication with staff.

Went to reading room, hoping to see fellow students.  No-one there.  Was studying whiteboard for relevant messages when Wilfred, reader in residence appeared.  Hadn't seen him since heard about libel case and didn't know what to expect.  He took one look at me.  "Come along to his office," he said.  Padded along corridor behind him, heart racing.  Last thing I needed was bollocking.

Got to his room, Wilfred pointed to armchair with cushions.  "Sit there." Tried to scramble up but all paws gave way and I lay, slumped, on floor.  Wilfred came over, examined my eyes.   "Don't move.  I'll be right back."  Appeared minutes later with bowl of strange looking liquid.  "Drink this," he ordered.  I did, without questioning what it was.  Felt sleepy immediately.  Wilfred lifted me onto chair and covered me with blanket.  Most moved by unexpected kindness. "I know what's going on.  You're obviously under enormous stress and need a holiday."  I replied that had no money.  He picked up phone and had conversation with Chi-Chi, writer-in-residence.


Woke up some time later to find Wilfred and Chi-Chi sitting by window, heads together, apparently making plans. When they saw I was awake, Chi-Chi lumbered over to me.  "It's all decided. By strange coincidence, both Wilfred and I have connections at zoo in Lyon - that's in France - and we've arranged for you to travel there tomorrow.  You'll be well looked after."

Went on to explain that zoo is world renowned for its pioneering work with animals.  Not only does it provide state of the art nutrition and hygiene care, it has comprehensive programme of nurturing and healing.  There are daily workshops and groups on coming to terms with and recovering from trauma, increasing one's self esteem and confidence, developing interpersonal skills and cognitive behavioural therapy for dealing with anxiety.





As well as this, Wilfred continued, this zoo leads the western world in its education programme for animals.  As well as being taught to read and write, many of them are taught practical skills like cage maintenance and gardening.  For the more traumatised animals, there's the chance to study art therapy.  Furthermore, some of the cage walls have been painted in calming colours as way to help animals cope with frustrations of captivity.  In groggy voice, I pointed out that if animals weren't incarcerated in zoos, there wouldn't be the need for half of these courses.  Wilfred and Chi-Chi nodded.










The most pioneering work, Chi-Chi said, adding that the programme was in its early stages, was a scheme to allow animals out of the zoo from time to time, a bit like a gradual rehabilitation programme for human prisoners preparing for release after serving a long sentence.  Initially the more gentle animals would be allowed to go for a run in the area surrounding the zoo.  They'd be electronically tagged, of course.  The biggest problem - understandably - Wilfred added, was education of the human population of Lyon.  To address this, the zoo planned courses for humans to attend, where they'd be taught about animal behaviours - what frightened them, what made them angry.  Groundbreaking work.

Finally, Wilfred told me there may be opportunities for me to teach the basics of creative writing to animals who think they have the potential to become good writers. This would be particularly helpful for my self-esteem, he said. I'd be a changed cat.



At this point, knock on the door, and Oscar appeared.  Took one look at me and let out a howl.  Wilfred explained about trip to Lyon, Oscar stopped howling and said he'd carry me home and help me pack.


Now about to crawl into basket.  Have to be at Waverley station tomorrow by 8 am.  Train to London Kings Cross, train from St Pancras to Lille, train from Lille to Lyon.  Thoughtful Chi-Chi booked me in quiet coach to allow me to rest as much as possible.  Quite excited as well as being tired and still woozy from the brew consumed earlier in Wilfred's office.







Purrs

Bakhtin

Preparation of defence

Have decided to stop apologising for absence of letters.  Empathic readers will understand difficult time I am going through.  Since last wrote have spent most of my energies closeted with Justice Chatterton, preparing for libel case.  For new readers, have been accused of libelling principle lecturer of creative writing course at renowned Fritzonian Institute.

Preparing a defence has involved checking all of my posts since blog started just over two years ago: 66 of them.  Chatterton insisted this should be shared process.  Problem was process often slowed down by him laughing at what I'd written.  One day this became serious when he choked on piece of spinach and ricotta cheese scone.  Didn't realise what was happening initially, then noticed advocate becoming more and more florid.  Called Saussure and Notsaussure through to sitting room.  Saussure, predictably quick to react, grabbed Chatterton by the waist. Notsaussure's only contribution was to warn his brother he was stronger than he realised and in danger of breaking lawyer's ribs.  To which Saussure replied that this was better than him dying.  Chatterton eventually recovered, phoned for taxi and went home.

In morbid moment researched hazards of laughter.  Horrified to read in Wikipedia, and I quote: death may result from several pathologies that deviate from benign laughter.  Infarction of the pons and medulla oblogata in the brain may cause pathological laughter.  Laughter can cause atonia and collapse, which in turn can cause trauma.

Stopped reading at that point and decided I was worrying too much.  Solution was not to offer Chatterton food when checking blog.  Returned to notes on defence.  Most 'dubious' comments relate to lecturer's obsession with deranged French philosopher Jacques Derrida.  Oscar, undoubtedly most scholarly of we students, probably because he is a chimp, suggested that one strand of our defence could be to prove that Derrida was deranged.  Not sure I follow the link, but probably worth pursuing.  Another angle of defence is to provide evidence of insulting and undermining comments from lecturer about my performance on course and potential as writer.  Again, question relevance.  Chatterton not sure either of these will stand up in court.

Personally, think it is better to examine language used in blog to see if can be categorised as a rant rather than libel.






As for witnesses for my defence, heartened and humbled by fact that every student in class willing to vouch for me.  This includes Maya, Véronique and Cindy (dogs), Henri (guinea pig), Oscar, Tess (stick insect) and Bernard (possum).  Even the four humans will speak in my defence, despite their worries that this might adversely affect their chances of being published, Edinburgh being relatively small in writers' terms and agents and publishers knowing each other.














All this is most stressful and result is total inability to work on Major Project.  On reading one of earliest blogs about writing haiku without consonants (first assignment of course), decided to write one without vowels.  After four attempts, this is what I came up with:
                           klb   qxm    ppsj
                           cwbq  fzh   trwh  lfs
                           hhh   dsb   qlxjw              

Showed it to Oscar who told me it was irrefutable evidence of great intellectual prowess.

Purrs
Bakhtin