Study group

First meeting of study group this afternoon at animal-friendly café in Leith. Impressed by participants' efforts: Saussure, although not Masters student invited because of academic approach to any topic, had already prepared notes to guide discussion. Cindy arrived with small whiteboard for brainstorming, Maya brought cookies and Véronique had found functioning tape recorder in skip. Oscar arrived with stenograph for taking notes. Tricky moment when café manager patiently explained that basket hired for afternoon only big enough for 6 cat-sized animals and Oscar much larger than cat and important to comply with health and safety regulations. Oscar, with usual impeccable manners persuaded him most of time wouldn't be in basket, then charmed him by showing how stenograph works and describing in great detail car boot sale where he purchased machine. Manager - himself devotee of car boot sales - so impressed by Oscar's diligence, immediately attached clipboard to wall, and asked other customers to keep noise down during important meeting. Pleased to observe immediate hush and ambience of respect for learned animals.


Began by listing technical words we don't understand: postmodernism, poststructuralism, deconstruction.

Decided to analyse postmodernism and poststructuralism together as both begin with post. Brainstormed 'post'. Letters, parcels, posts to support plants, post as in work. Not so easy to brainstorm structuralism. Oscar had dictionary definition: any theory that embodies structural principles. Then Cindy suggested finding definition for poststructuralism:
an approach to literature that, proceeding from the tenets of structuralism, maintains that, as words have no absolute meaning, any text is open to an unlimited range of interpretations.

Stared at each other. Maya pointed out that any poststructuralist writing was waste of time - if it had unlimited range of interpretations why bother to write?. Obviously delighted by philosophical approach, she pointed out that no need to read either. Enough Just to wander around thinking anything you want. Exhausted by contribution to study afternoon, she ate ten cookies and then declared she felt a bit sick.



As we pondered this erudite thought, Henri wandered in clutching a hessian sack which, he informed us, contained a week's worth of fan letters. Immediately, Oscar sprang up and told him he could join us, but only if he didn't distract us from important task. Henri, puffed up with success of writing Christmas message on police cards, omitting important vowels and consonants suggested we use lateral thinking approach to understanding term 'poststructuralism' and remove several letters to see where that got us.


Puzzled looks exchanged. Henri took whiteboard marker and rubbed out four letters. Left with More puzzled expressions. Oscar grabbed whiteboard pen and turned to Henri:
'You might be able to impress Headquarters of Lothian and Borders Police station by Christmas card messages with missing consonants and vowels, but you can't apply that to literary theory. You shouldn't turn up to group unless prepared to take things seriously.'
'Get a life,' Henri said, and picked up his sack with such force it burst open and paper spilt out. 'It's letters from appreciate customers.'
Cindy and Véronique examined bits of paper. 'There's nothing written,' they said in chorus.
Henri looked embarrassed. 'Brought wrong sack.'
'You're a fraud,' Maya said.
'If I'm not appreciated here, I'm going home to study recipes for stuffed vine leaves,' Henri said, with attempt at dignity.
After he left, Oscar tried to get group back on track but atmosphere killed. Agreed to finish there, but each of us to find definition of 'post-modernism' for next time. Also agreed to change afternoon of meeting so that Henri couldn't spoil it again.



Felt bad when got home, however. Didn't like seeing Henri humiliated, even if he's become puffed-up. Henri good friend at start of Masters. Now seems Oscar trying to stir things up between him and me. Must remain loyal to all friends. Also think Oscar might be control freak. Hard to draw line between good management and taking over. Might get advice from Saussure about handling difficult situation.

Purrs Bakhtin

Pesky creature

This mouse creating chaos in home due to over-inflated sense of own importance. Following stepping on rusty nails of floorboard, Notsaussure spent five hours in Accident and Emergency Department of Vet Hospital, waiting to have injured foot looked at. Surrounded by rodents needing treatment for alcohol poisoning due to discarded whisky and gin bottles chucked away not quite empty over Christmas and New Year period. Then had allergic reaction to penicillin shot and was on drip.



When Notsaussure returned home next day looking pale and exhausted, found Neville camcording himself bowing to receive title in New Year Honour's list. Neville offered to cook something nice for dinner before remembering no-one can cook before ripped-up floor boards replaced. Promised to get started on that once finished practising acceptance speech.


Ended up getting carry out fish supper and after eating, while Notsaussure rested, had business-like meeting with Saussure to draw up behaviour guidelines for Neville. Neville was supposedly sorting out kitchen floor but kept hearing tapping on rusty pipes and suspected was in touch with Granny Elena in Moscow. Agreed if contravened guidelines, was entitled to two verbal warnings then instant dismissal from flat. Saussure wondered if should consult lawyers, but feel this is too heavy, also expensive. Suspect Neville will get such a fright when sees document that will behave appropriately for while.

Neville trying to get back into Notsaussure's good book by arranging to make frame from left-over floor boards for lovely photo taken of Notsaussure during our Moscow Christmas.

Nice gesture, but fact that Neville believes there'll be spare wood from re-laying kitchen floor further evidence of flawed thinking.



Purrs

Bakhtin

Sir Neville

Woken at 4 am by noise. Found Neville spinning vacuum cleaner round sitting room, clad in apron and headscarf left by previous tenants. Moments later Notsaussure appeared and told Neville that when he ordered him to get his act together and clean flat, he didn't mean middle of night. Neville nodded, beamed and continued vacuuming. Notsaussure whipped tail against power point, knocking out plug.

Neville delved into apron pocket and produced letter from library group in London, telling him they'd heard what sound advice he offered National Library of Scotland on modifying facilities to make them more mouse-friendly - under equal opps guidelines, he added. Was about to explain what these were when Notsaussure told him not to be so patronising, and he didn't care if Neville became world adviser for mouse-friendly libraries, he wasn't to do housework between hours of 8 pm and 10 am. Neville sighed - amazing achievement given maniacal grin on face - found duster, and started wiping surfaces.

Suddenly he stopped, climbed onto sofa and informed us of long-terms plans for double career. First step was to consolidate experience of consultancy to libraries. Second step was to extend that to all British museums. Third step was to acquire position in Brussels, once equal opps. issues more embedded in European legislation. Hasn't admitted it, but convinced believes he's headed for peerage, which would be coup for mice.














Notsaussure strode out, heading for kitchen and next thing we heard was miaow of horror. Rushed through to see what problem was. Notsaussure was grabbing bleeding back paw attached to wood with nails on it. Kitchen floor been pulled up and planks of wood shoved into my two tartan shopping bags with wheels - borrowed without permission (again). Even worse, two copies of Norton's Anthology of Theory and Criticism poking out of wastepaper basket.





Neville swore he'd only dumped then on top of basket and they'd slid in of own accord. Furthermore challenged need to keep textbooks in shopping bags when it's obvious I don't understand any of their contents. Couldn't argue with that but furious he shows no respect for my property. Notsaussure woke up Saussure and they interrogated Neville about digging up kitchen floor. Neville, without so much of a glimmer of embarrassment, explained at last he'd found perfect way to communicate by tapping on pipes - rusty or not - and was hopeful of revolutionising telecommunications world-wide (his second career). Reckoned within months, BT and other service providers would have gone into liquidation. Has already opened offshore bank account anticipating high tax bill. Notsaussure told him he was dreamer, Saussure told him to put back floor immediately and if he attempted anything like this again, he'd eat him. Neville continued to grin and told us we had lot to learn.



Purrs

Bakhtin

Beginning of term two

Bad start. So tired from train journey back from Moscow, struggled to get out of cosy basket. Couldn't get on first bus because too crowded to take on both tartan shopping bags with wheels, so had to wait for less busy bus.

Lecturer scowled at me when entered classroom. In bad mood because power point presentation not working. Eventually gave up and talked to us. Subject of talk was weird French dude called Derrida, philosopher who developed technique known as deconstruction. Couldn't understand what deconstruction means. Looked up dictionary:

a philosophical and critical movement, applied to the study of literature, that questions all traditional assumptions about the ability of language to represent reality and emphasizes that a text has no stable reference or identification because words essentially only refer to other words and therefore a reader must approach a text by eliminating any metaphysical or ethnocentric assumptions through an active role of defining meaning, sometimes by a reliance on new word construction, etymology, puns, and other word play.





Was nodding off by end of second line. How does this stuff make me better writer? Looked round class at other students. Relieved to see their puzzled expressions, too. Asked lecturer to explain connection with deconstruction and writing. Scowled at me again and told me to read notes on Web CT when got home. Unhelpful response because usually can't understand lecture notes but couldn't say that to lecturer.

At break time comforted myself by eating two large treacle scones. Noticed Cindy, Maya and Véronique huddled together and went to join them. Agreed to start small study group to discuss lectures. Will meet twice a week in café in Leith frequented mainly by cats, which serves delicious milk, and cream at weekends. Has space in corner for basket large enough for six animals.









After break Henri arrived. Apologised for being late. Lecturer asked for reason. Henri tried to deflect question by pointing out of window at snow which had begun falling. Lecturer not distracted. Eventually Henry admitted that he was opening letters from people who'd received Christmas cards from police station with Henri's original message written without using following letters: e, s, r, a, t, m, p and i. (see letter of September 24: Stressful day at Fritzonian Institute).

Lecturer not impressed and told him necessary to take course more seriously. By this time she'd got power point presentation to work and explained links with deconstruction and postmodernism and poststructuralism. As had never really understood either of these, was none the wiser. Noticed Henry surreptitiously opening more fan mail and wondered why he'd bothered turning up to class. Even Oscar looked bemused and was typing at much slower pace on stenograph.

Agreed at lunch time had been a crap morning. Maya suggested finding another literary theorist to explain Derrida and deconstruction. Perhaps will advertise in Evening News or Herald and Post

Asked Henri if he wanted to join study group but he said he didn't have time. Buoyant from success of message on police Christmas cards, is now considering offering consultancy service to companies designing cards for all occasions.



Purrs Bakhtin

Happy New Year

Happy New Year, or as we say in Russian: Без перевода. And as Henri insists on saying 'Bonne année'.

Had wonderful Christmas with Granny Elena. Christmas Eve meal great success. Henri delighted to be asked to help cook and showed great prowess in kitchen. Did everything he was told, didn't question anything though could see was itching to suggest innovative way of baking cod and wisdom of adding sour cream to sauerkraut soup. Made detailed notes on cooking utensils and ingredients, and had awed expression whenever he looked at Granny Elena. In such generous mood even offered to teach Neville what he'd learned once back in Edinburgh. Neville - elated by invitation to be guest of honour at two new prestigious night clubs - accepted Henri's offer without making snide remarks.


After dinner watched Dr Dolittle movie which we enjoyed though agreeing animals don't talk and act in way portrayed in film. Oscar particularly offended by drunk monkey but restored to good spirits when Notsaussure reassured him he didn't think he'd ever behave like that.

Wobbly moment when Saussure appeared with powerpoint presentation of famous Mikhail Bakhtin, father of Granny Elena. When Granny heard there were 900 slides, managed to persuade Saussure no-one could stay awake after eating so much and would be a shame to miss anything. Would have made good diplomat. Always finds right words and tone to say something difficult. Neville tried hard to get back into her good books by persuading her he hadn't lied about connection with Nicholas 11 of Imperial Russia. Finally she admitted she believed him. but only after he'd promised to take her to nightclub to demonstrate what good breakdancing looks like. Surprised someone of that generation interested in modern dance.

Christmas Day skating on Red Square spectacular success. Notsaussure - after hours deliberating - bought Granny Elena red woolly hat and matching scarf for Christmas, and insisted on taking her paw as they glided round icerink. Granny Elena delighted to be only cat of that age with male partner. Might have been reflection of red hat and scarf, but thought she blushed when Notsaussure told her he thought it unlikely he'd ever had so much pleasure skating with someone before.

Best Christmas present: another tartan shopping bag with wheels to allow me to carry round extra copy of Norton's Anthology of Theory and Criticism, in case first one gets mugged.

Two days after Christmas, plucked up courage to check university Web CT for result of lifewriting assignment in future tense. To relief passed with encouraging comments about writing style. Three days later, Henri braced himself to check results. Minutes later waddled into kitchen, picked up Neville and hugged him. Knew this meant had good mark for assignment. Told me his topic was unoriginal but he'd spiced it up by using all four versions of future tense: I will, I will be, I will have, I will have been. Lecturers so impressed by thorough knowledge of English grammar that although he'd written about recipes he planned to research, cook or significantly alter, they gave him distinction. Was pleased for Henri. Was also pleased for me and am looking forward to second term of Masters in Creative Writing.



Purrs

Bakhtin.