Happy New Year to all my readers, and special thanks to those of you who got in touch to see if I was still alive, due to long gap in writing. (When read this out to flatmate, Notsaussure, to check for suitability of tone, was told I sounded pompous, but have since decided can live with that).
Anyway, not long after last post, developed peculiar condition of paws which meant couldn't type, write or do anything very much. By time enquired into miaow recognition equipment, it was Christmas holidays and had to get ready to go to Moscow.
Paws still fairly useless, so accepted Neville's offer to help me pack. As predicted, this was chaotic. Had prepared mental list of what to take but white mouse in stroppy mode, resulting in argument about which tartan shopping bag on wheels more suitable.
Eventually agreed on this one, but when I told him what to pack, expecting him to gather things up and put in shopping bag, discovered this required more continuous concentration than he could muster. He'd find a few things then rush back to kitchen to say prayer for Granny Elena at shrine, and tap on rusty pipes under floor, just in case she could hear him from heaven and they could communicate again. All in all, pretty stressed out by time tartan shopping bag on wheels ready.
When arrived at Turnhouse to board plane - accompanied by Neville, price for accepting his help in packing - found Henri there too. So much for well-kept secrets.
Have blogged before about Christmas in Russia so will skim over that, except to say that merry time was had by all. Aunt Mischa in much better form than last year, and produced meal after meal, most dishes laced with vodka. Could see Henri wondering if he should increase the alcohol content of some of his recipes but when mentioned this to him, he told me he would reserve this as added value for next edition, which he informed me, would be requested sooner rather than later.
For fun decided to return to the UK overland. Took train from Moscow to Calais.
All went smoothly until we reached France and then problems started. When we arrived after three days of travelling, the weather was wild, and general uncertainty about whether ferry would run. However, boarded, and reassured to hear announcement from captain about boat having stabilisers. Neville insisted we went on deck to check out the wild sea. Never seen anything like it. Waves at least 30 foot high. Henri felt seasick so didn't linger long.
Meanwhile, inside, passengers - mainly humans - throwing up everywhere. Neville immediately decided to be helpful, and scuttled about disposing of bags of vomit. To our surprise, wasn't expecting any remuneration, though at one point disappeared in direction of captain's office, returning shortly after with enormous grin on face. Suspect asked for free passage from now on as reward for being helpful.
During this time, Henri waddled around distributing copies of recently published cookery book:
Guineapigging out Neville told me later that initially Henri asked passengers to pay for book - albeit at reduced rate - but no takers, so decided handing them out for free still good publicity. Discovered several of them had been dumped in bins, and on further research learned that passengers already feeling sick felt that reading recipe book would make them feel worse.
Neville then had bright idea of entertaining bored passengers by showing his DVD on teaching elderly cats to breakdance. Despite me pointing out that last thing anyone feeling seasick would want to watch was something involving dance, especially breakdance, Neville approached information officer, whose responding laugh could be heard over roar of sea and ferry engines.
Was determined not to waste time on boat - and perhaps, as Saussure perceptively pointed out on my return, wanting to gain brownie points with lecturer- retrieved book on Derrida from tartan shopping bag. However, reading about his philosophies made me feel dizzy, almost as bad as having seasickness, so gave up, and tried to sleep.
Weather got worse then captain announced port of Dover closed due to high winds. Explained engines still running to prevent ferry from drifting backwards, and he would give us updates when possible.
At this point, Neville, needing to be distracted from smell of vomit, produced two packs of cards and we played poker. Despite the most blatant cheating by both Henri and Neville, I won.
Five hours later, wind changed direction and boat able to dock in Dover. Completed journey to Edinburgh by train.
Glad to be back in Edinburgh again. Determined to work extremely hard on Major Project, not to be disconcerted by deranged lecturers, and to use services of Chi-Chi, writer in residence, as much as possible.
Purrs
Bakhtin
